Harvest Dating's Blog
Which of these 9 Dating Categories are You? Continued
4: The Separated
The Separated fall into two main groups: no problems from ex partner, or huge problems from ex partner. Avoid the latter like the plague!
My personal view was that I wouldn’t date someone who was separated unless they had a divorce nearly finalised – you don’t want to end up being named as the other party in an adultery-based divorce.
There's also the version of The Separated who will cry into their drink all night and sob about how much they still love their ex. Sad, it happens, and we'd all obviously wish them well, but as a potential dating partner/long term new love interest, they're a teensy-weensy bit toxic.
So, if you find one of the Separated with no previous partner issues of any kind and a divorce about to be finalised, then you have a green light, otherwise proceed with extreme caution!
Dateability Rating: 2/5
The Widowed are very often just plain lonely (I know I was when my former wife passed away), and if young children are involved as well (as they were in my case) a social life can be very nearly impossible for these unfortunate people.
Everyone is different when they lose a partner. Some crack up completely and require years of therapy. Some have to be prescribed anti-depressants. Some can literally never love anyone else, ever, while some are too afraid to even try a new relationship, in case they experience the pain of loss again.
Those that pick themselves up, dust themselves off and, after a period of grieving and adjustment that’s right for them, get back in the game, can be a great catch (I was!), so don’t be put off if their status on the site says “Widowed". It takes guts to get back out there, so give them credit for that.
Dating sites are one of the best ways for the Widowed to try again, as friends may be reluctant to make introductions for you unless you’re the sort of person who can say to them “Please help if you can, I’ve done my grieving and I’m ready for someone new in my life.” For the Widowed, getting help with finding someone new from your friends can be doubly tricky, as they might also still be grieving for your lost love. If they are, they might struggle to imagine you with someone new, never mind setting you up with them. All in all, it’s probably best not to expect too much help from that source.
Of course, sometimes the Widowed get it wrong. They weren't ready, even though they thought they were, to try again. In these circumstances you'll end up dating a mixture of The Separated (as they're still madly in love with their ex) and the Not Ready. Who knows, you might be the one to help them through it, so don't give up too easily. But ultimately you can't compete with a ghost, so you may have to walk away.
Dateability Rating: 4/5
There are the successful Career-Focused types, male and female, who in the past put their personal lives on hold while they sorted the (to them at the time) far more important matter of establishing themselves in their careers.
Now, in their thirties or forties, they’ve realised that being the oldest person in the nightclub isn’t always fun. They start to feel unfulfilled by their Porsches and helicopters and have realised that they better get on with it if they are actually going to have the regulation 2.4 children and a home they can enjoy going back to.
Your typical Career-Focused person can also display traits of Mr or Ms Independent (see above), and, if you do start dating one, often their busy career will still come first, however much they want a relationship. This could mean dates cancelled at short notice, or other plan alterations, but there can be compensation for that - all those years of being career-driven should mean that at least they are well-endowed financially!
Dateability Rating: 3/5